Children today are often carefully planned. At the beginning of a marriage you already know how everything is supposed to work. You try to steer. Is it good like that? A few thoughts on this:

Don't make it too easy

Children are a blessing and a gift from God. It is the basic intention of God that married couples should have children ( Genesis 1:28 ; Psalm 113:9 ; Genesis 9:1 ). Every married couple should have this positive attitude towards children.

God opens and closes the womb. This also applies in the 21st century, where people like to plan, regulate and organize many things ( Genesis 20.18; 29.31; 30.22 ; 1. Samuel 1.5-6 ).

It is spoken in the plural of children when it comes to marrying a widow and loving a mother ( 1 Timothy 5:8 ; Titus 2:4 ). The man is called blessed who has filled his quiver with sons ( Psalm 127:5 ). This is difficult to reconcile with the fact that you consciously only want to have one child.

There are certainly reasons to “limit” the number of children. But one has to be careful with these reasons. The opportunity to travel, to be able to afford more, to realize one's potential in one's job, etc. are not there. Nor the fact that it is a difficult time for the children today - for Moses was also born in a very difficult time ( Exodus 2 ).

A married couple can withdraw from each other in order to have leisure to pray, but not to prevent the blessing of children ( 1 Cor. 7:5 ).

Don't make it too difficult

There is no commandment to have children as quickly as possible and as many as possible. Having and raising children is not a sport where the fastest gets the medal.

Health restrictions (physical and mental stress) may be taken into account. Acting responsibly is right and important.

It must be ensured that the children can be brought up ( Genesis 18:19 ) and grow up in a healthy marriage. That's why caution is called for when there is a crisis in the marriage!

Especially the capacity of the woman has to be taken into account ( 1. Peter 3,7 ). It is also important to exercise caution in this matter ( Proverbs 13:16 ).

Contraception doesn't have to be inherently wrong. Doesn't the natural "breastfeeding protection" make it clear that there can be constellations in which it would be better not to (immediately) get pregnant again? But of course: There are many contraceptive methods that (can) destroy life that has begun. You should definitely stay away from that.

Can the behavior of Onan in Genesis 38 be compared (as has sometimes been done) to married couples who have carefully considered the question of having more children and have been led to a negative decision? Onan did not want to have children since they should be counted among his brothers, he was completely closed to children. Can you compare that to a married couple who have nine children and together come to the conclusion that no more children can follow?

closing thoughts 

We should not meddle in other people's matters: the question of the number of children is a personal matter. However, this does not mean that couples can act as they please, but requires dependence on the Lord.

In today's time and in our society, the aspect that God gives children and that this is a real blessing is particularly important. How many married couples are still open to this blessing and - trusting in the one who gives life - accept "gifts"?  

Gerrid Setzer